Plaza Observation 3301

Okay guys, its time for the semester picture real! So grap some popcorn and get comfy, here it comes:

Coming back into the city via CTA - brown line over the river: best view ever. 

Later summer nights playing volleyball on Oak Street beach. 

I was blessed to spend my semester with these amazing women! 

Dodeka - my RA small group.

On top of being in Dodeka, the Lord blessed me with a dear friend and sister RA, Tabitha. The Lord knew I needed to know her this semester.

Began my first year as an RA to half of these girls (the right side) 4North - and have LITERALLY loved every minute of it.

I found the importance of waking up early on Saturday to buy fresh berries, flowers, and cheese at the Farmers Market

This is my beloved Ministry Team on 4North - I couldn't have lived this semester without them. I am so overwhelmingly blessed to know these girls.

And then I spent too much time in the library with these books...never regretted a single moment.

Made many a trip to Elly's for much needed fellowship, and pancakes.

Had another beautiful season of watching Fall make its way through Chicago

I had my two favorite parents visit me in Chicago - a perfect vacation.

Had fall break with some of the best goons on earth

 #nailedthatcrap #tooeasy #buddies

Found solitude in Michigan with the best floor on earth! 4North!

Enjoyed the first Holiday cups with these girls

Made up classes, like Plaza Observation 3301

and Imaginative Thinking 1101

Ushered in my 21st year like a boss.

Hung out in the Impressionist Wing for hours at the Art Institute - so much we brought it too life.

I spent my thanksgiving hiking a mountain or two, far away from the city.

Had breakfast at Elly's

Held hands at the Zoo so as not to get lost, proceded to take pictures with igloos. 

Wore festive pants, with friends, in front of Christmas trees.

Wore ugly sweaters, at Taco restaurants, and sang Karaoke.

Pulled all-nighters during finals week. 

Had these girls shape a lot of my character.

I have rewritten the ending paragraph too many times, there is no way to write out the emotions in my heart accurately. I hate open endings, but this one will have to end openly. Because there is another semester, another season, and another lesson I must learn. #praiseHIM

Made for relationship

Okay guys, seriously I couldn’t have kept up on blogging this semester. But since it is Christmas break, I thought I would catch ya’ll up on my semester....buckle up.

"yet His blessings were nothing to her in comparison with knowing Jesus Himself."

• Oswald Chambers on Mary Magdalene 

     At the start of the semester I gave my floor this verse - Philippians 3:10 “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death,”  Becoming like Him was the theme of our floor this year, and ironically to ‘become like Him” we first must “know Him.” I can’t believe how much God has revealed Himself to me this semester. He has walked with me through an incredible amount of trials, mentally, emotionally, physically, in Chicago, at home; every part of my life went under surgery. 

     To what end will God not go to bring me to Him? I quickly learned that answer, none. He will purge me of everything that is not of Him, He will cast light upon the darkest corners of my soul, and no matter how much it hurts He will mold me into the image of His Son. 

*jump ahead 4 months*

     As my semester came to a close, I wrote a paper on the doctrine of sin. Woof, I know. But, it was probably one of my favorite papers I have written thus far. I used this quote towards the end by N.T. Wright

“Made for spirituality, we wallow in introspection. Made for joy, we settle for pleasure. Made for justice, we clamor for vengeance. Made for relationship, we insist on our own way. Made for beauty, we are satisfied with sentiment.” 

To know Christ, I must first know how much I needed Him - I needed to grasp my depravity. I needed to reveal my sins to Him, I needed to tell Him my true name, confess who I am when no one is around. Suddenly, it all came full circle. I love those moments. My whole semester was grasped in one large photograph. God must be my everything. I must know Him intimately. Larry Crabb writes, 

“So much of our everyday living is designed to disguise the horror of living apart from God. The ache in our soul that doesn’t go away and calls us to a new awareness of our deep spiritual thirst, an ache that can’t be ignored, disguised, mislabeled, or submerged by a torrent of activity. One that will not disappear because we were designed to enjoy a better world that this.” 

I have learned that knowing God is the epitome of my life, the very purpose to my journey. I endure these trials, I feel this pain, I walk through the valley because I know that God is drawing me closer to Him. He is drawing me into a deeper intimacy of who He is, of a stronger knowledge of God. There is a purpose, there is a goal, there is a hope - God. 

γινώσκω

I’ve been praying for an extra day in the week, actually to be honest I’ve been praying for three extra days in the week. Not like, three open days in my schedule. I’m talking like a ten day week. But those three extra days with serve the purpose of 1. Having time to do my homework in leisure so I can take in all of it, 2. To have more coffee dates with people, 3. To sleep more, 4. To have more solitude. Yes, a ten day week. That is how busy my life is right now. I had to schedule time to clean out the receipts from my wallet because I didn’t have 5 extra minutes to spare. Slight exaggeration...not really...but seriously...now, unto the real blog...

I sat in my room, with my “where is my RA” sign blank so I could get some reading done. Systematic Theology reading to be exact - I was reading about general and special revelation, pretty light reading :) I came across the Greek verb γινώσκω [ginosko] and like a good Greek student I knew that that was the present, active, indicative, singular, 1st person form of the word “to know” - showing off, sorry.

In that context it meant “to perceive with the sense and to grasp with the mind.” I was struck with the depth of that revelation on revelation. And then came across this quote two lines down,

“Scripture teaches that when confronted with the truth-content of general revelation, sinners consistently dismiss it from consciousness. Thus, instead of worshipping and obeying God, the unregenerate assert their own autonomy and fashion lifeless idols which they then venerate.”

I was shocked at the stark contrast between these two assertions about how we accept or decline truth. On one hand, we are perceiving who God is, and grasping with our minds of who God reveals himself to be; but on the other hand we dismiss truth as if it was a whimsical rumor. Winston Churchill once related uncovering truth to ‘stumbling over it.’ It is like those divots and lips of cement in the plaza at Moody, we catch our toe and trip, but act as if it never happened. We don’t even look down to acknowledge what tripped us up, we simply continue walking. General revelation surrounds us, we are literally drowning in theology; and yet we refuse to acknowledge the truth. We refuse to drink in the wonder and awe of God and choose instead to suffocate ourselves with our handmade idols that barely suffice and do not reproduce any life in us. I was astonished at our - mainly my own - ignorance of the truth. God is there, God is everywhere, the image of the Creator is still on everything that He created. I need to open my eyes and grasp what He has laid out in front of me. I need to know Him. 

Couches are for healing.

     Couches are for healing. It’s true, my RA last year had a couch that worked marvelous miracles, and I’m thinking that my couch now has those some qualities. There has been a lot of healing in the past year, in the past three weeks, in the past twelve hours, and it is happening right now. In a previous blog post I wrote about right before I left for Chicago, one year ago, and how that opposed how this year felt. And I have learned one very important lessons since I arrived: Ministry is hard and it never gets easy.

     I sat and dwelled over these things while on my couch - hence the healing magic :). As I was struggling through some of this the other night, my friend said, “Things are difficult east of Eden.” The Fall touches everything, there is nothing on this planet that has gone by without being affected and mangled by the consequences of our sin. But, through the grace of God, the image of Him is still there. We look at the world and we either choose to look at the mangled fallen image or we choose to find the face of God. It is a constant battle, flesh and spirit. 

“For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” -Gal. 5:17

     Since the fall, ministry is hard. Since the fall, life is difficult. But there is grace, there is redemption, there is still an imprint left of the original creator. I choose to look at ministry, recognize that it is difficult; but I also choose to recognize that people were created in the image of God. If we look long enough, we can see that image. I choose to look at life and see the beauty amidst the evil. We were created for worship, everything in creation was created for worship. 

     So, as I sit on my couch, and heal, I choose to find redemption in this pain, I choose to find joy in my homework load, I choose to see His finger print of grace on every part of my life. And I begin to heal from the Fall. 

After the Storm

One year ago I sat in my car, drove up and down Gulf Blvd, and listened to "After the Storm" twenty times. Yeah, it sounds like a scene from Dawson's Creek or something, but that is how I spent my last night in St. Pete. Alone, with my thoughts. 
Some how in the summer months I lost myself. I forgot who I was, I forgot what I believed in, and I forgot what I was doing with my life. I was at one of the lowest points in my life, and I was on the eve of a major change and move; and I had forgotten who I was. 
One year later, tonight, I sat in my car and drove up US 19 with my dad, on our way to Walmart to buy Emperors New Groove. I put that CD in the stereo, knowing that I wanted to listen to that song only. 
I can't exactly explain how I felt, but I did feel a surge of emotion. That girl sitting in that car, listening to that song was very different from that girl exactly one year ago. I don't even know that girl anymore. And it amazes me how much God can put into motion in one year, I am amazed at how God's grace can drastically change us, I am amazed that after everything He is still faithful. 

So for all of you packing up, moving out, going back; enjoy this song, enjoy this moment. Because you'll blink, and everything will be different.

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different?"

C.S. Lewis

After the Storm - Mumford and Sons

alligator bites and frog legs.

     The first blog I wrote here was filled with sadness for leaving my city, Chicago. I was not fully ready to come home for three whole months, I had just spent an amazing year at Moody and I didn’t want it to end. But life is full of seasons. Seasons of change; seasons that also change us. My Fall was a season of immense change and growth, I had to figure out who I was again, went it meant for me to be in Chicago. Christmas time and Winter brought around a settling into that new mold and lifestyle I found myself in, I had to find a routine to my new normal. Spring came with hardships from the stress and workload - it was a season of learning faithfulness and persevering. 

     Summer was a season of rest, and change. A different change. My home, my constant began to change for the better. It was a subtle, growing change that I only noticed after the changes took place. Changes came to our church, our family, our plans, my plans, our relationships, etc. My home is a little different now, I guess I had always assumed that since my life in college was chaotic, my home should never change. But it does; you grow, people move, passions and goals shift, and God works. Cliche I know, but change is always good. Change is like Spring cleaning, removing what has become unnecessary, dusting off the old to make it new, and maybe some redecorating. I’m happy with the change, because in my resting I found myself slowing changing with everything as well, being molded by those who are also being molded.

     God is making all things new, all the time. His plan and His goals are constantly in motion, and if we try and keep it stagnate, we will not be living in His will. 

     My fellow blogger has been writing about her “pilgrimage” across Europe and across the wonders of her God. I guess I’ve been on my own kind of smaller pilgrimage; a slow and steady pilgrimage, a distant goal, subtle but major changes. A pilgrimage of returning home, of resting, of restoring my soul in the Lord. 

“Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” 

     -Ps. 51:12

I was so blessed to spend my summer with these goons :)

I drank A LOT of coffee

I woke up early for work and watched the sun rise

I went to the beach, a lot.

I worked on my tan...

I spent  much needed time in the sun

I hung out with my two favorite men in the whole world (Jeremy)

(Stephen)

We did Floridian things, like ate alligator and frog legs

Hung out with these booshies :)

Supported the Rays!!!

Invested in a Kindle and used it wisely

Spent time with hipsters :) 

Endured thunderstorms, lightning, tropical storms, tornados, and flooding...

Spent my first time in Ikea with this crazy lady

Went go-karting

Instead of hanging myself, I decided to go bowling (watch Jim Gaffigans stand up on bowling)

Even though I'm allergic to diary I suffered through it to enjoy many nights eating ice cream. Martyr

Went to Tijuana Flats...a lot...every tuesday...for Taco Tuesday...

Finally had a reunion with my childhood friends!

I though that my summer would have been better spent in Chicago, but after 3 months at home I would have never spent it anywhere else. I love my family, I love my dogs, I love mexican food, I love my friends, I love my life and I love my God who was taken me on this journey.

Remembering

I remember sitting and talking with one of my friends about our childhood. Both of our childhood’s were vastly different, but they held one common bond. They were spent far away from where we reside now. 

My friend spent his childhood in a city somewhere a little south of San Francisco. He soon moved closer to San Fran which is where his family resides now ( the details are a little blurry but stick with me). 

I spent my childhood in the Philippines, but by age ten we uprooted and moved back to America - St. Petersburg, Florida to be specific. 

We both had left our childhood memories in a city that we don’t live in any more. And so now our memories are a faint recall, a wisp, just a glimpse.

All this to say, I miss my childhood, though I would never go back, but it is still nice to remember it. But there is a problem, my childhood is tied to a place that is as far away as a vast ocean and two continents. I have pictures and stories that help to take me back to that lifetime once more. But for some of you, you have lived in the same town and some house since birth. Your childhood seems more real to you. Mine sometimes seems like a dream, it is cloudy and comes back in pieces. So at times when I need to reflect and remember where I came from and what helped shape me the most I find these pictures and remember once more. This is my childhood: 

These are my brothers, some of my best friends in my life.

Caliraya, a resort in the Philippines were we held Field Conference. Also a place were I grew up. Yes, that is a volcano in the distance. I spent so much time running around that place.

This is the playground at the guest house in Manila, I wasn't born yet but this picture represents how much fun we had there.

Each facial expressions is so perfect.

Our house in Blue Ridge - that was the photo op door way

This two men mean so much to me.

Simple pleasures in life, like a coke in a bag or a bike ride around our neighborhood.

My childhood gang - the MK's

Those are rice terraces behind us - basically my backyard 

Our backyard in Cinco Hermanos, that cement wall fence had broken glass along the top as added security - perks of living in Manila.

Mount Mayon - this is the view from one of the beaches from the island where we lived.

Another view of Calirya, see that clay hill in between the resort and pool? On rainy days we would roll down it through the mud.